Have you ever been taught and given tools to approach compromise effectively and in a healthy manner? Yeah, me neither. This one tool has made leaps and bounds in my marriage and I found it odd that we aren't taught these things along the way. So I wanted to share this with you all, in hopes that it may help resolve things in your life as it has mine.
So it starts with an event. Usually an argument where one party wants things done one way and for some reason the other party is on a different page.
Key here is Yeild to Win: Compromise with your partner like they are someone you love. (This can be hard in the heat of the moment. So take a breather. Go to your separate areas. Fill this worksheet out. And come back. Easier said than done. I get it.)
Identify your core need/inflexible area:
Identify where you can be flexible on this issue:
Getting to the "Yes" Discuss these questions with your partner.
Help me understand why you're inflexible area is so important to you. (Hint it likely has to do with a time in your childhood or adult life where you were hurt.)
What are your core beliefs about the issue at hand?
Help me understand your flexible areas.
What do we agree about?
What are our common goals?
How might these goals be accomplished?
Can we reach a temporary compromise?
What feelings do we have in common?
How can I help you meet your core need?
Our compromise that honors both our needs and dreams is:
Going through this one tool has taken away the hours/days of deflection and excuses as to "why" something was or wasn't done. And goes right to the heart of the matter. Filling this tool out separately also ensures both parties are being held accountable to show up and do the work. Which admittedly is hard. But hopefully having tools to lean on, makes it just a bit easier.
Next time you find yourself in an argument with your partner, give this a try. Let me know how you feel it works for you. Comment below.
Join in the discussion @megan.anderson.co
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